Fell into flow. Made an image – and then another one…
Fell into flow. Made an image – and then another one…
I have three blogs on the same WP-account.
I have this one, Words & Pics, which for a long time has been the primary blog. If I leave a comment somewhere and you click on the link there, you’ll end up here. Up till now, that is!
I have Small Kitchen – more for you, my readers, to get inspired, then to get proper recipes. I’m totally lousy when it comes to write recipes. And to follow, for that matter. I had also intended to write about food, about nutrition, about HEALTHY FOOD! – But I never seem to get along with that… So far…
And I have my Swedish blog, Min ostyriga penna – (My uncontrollable Pen, is the closest translation to that. Or is it better with: My disorderly Pen? HAHAHA!)
Anyhow, I have decided to write more on that blog, and hopefully get more readers as well. The tagline is: Om livet som det är och om att starta om på nytt – Which is something like: “About life as it is, and about how to start it fresh” (Oh gosh! What a lousy translation! But you get the idea, don’t you?”)
And I’m now – simply speaking – just making my Swedish blog the primary one!
Consequences? As far as I know, only that when you click on my link at some comment I’ve written ON SOME OTHER BLOG THAN THIS, you’ll end up on my Swedish blog instead of on this one. And over there I’ve already added a widget with the link, for you to click on and come over here.
It’s actually the same as now, mais au contraire…
What I’ll write about? Mainly about how to create a new life after retirement and – more important – after the mental burnout. This also includes starting to write fiction again! I lost that due to the burnout, and I want that ability back!!!! I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT And to read, to meet people, to… start living my life again!!!
Yes of course I could do that here as well, writing in English; and I will keep on writing and posting here! I just want to write in Swedish too! And hopefully get more friends there, here, closer to where I live! I would love to have more friends, in real life. I’m way too lonely as it is. I long for friends!
So. Yes! I’m reaching out here!
This is Carl Larsson. A Swedish painter. And his kitchen. It’s huge and it’s colorful! The house he lived in is huge. I’ve seen it. From the outside. It was in the midsst of the summer and vacation time and lots and lots of tourists (breath!) and there was a hugely long queue waiting to come in and see the interior. We – I and my friend – didn’t want to wait that long for our turn. We left for some other place.
Carl Larsson himself was huge! Still is. A gifted painter and as such very well known. He died in 1919 but people still love his paintings, visit the house where he lived for a “look-around”, and overall get inspired and feel nostalgic by his paintings.
I agree! There’s some huge dosis of pure nostalgia in his works. Romantic.
I don’t know who painted the walls in their home, but his wife created all the interior decorations. That I know. Painted furnitures, wove drapes, sewed, needled, whatever it takes to create textiles and other things – Yeah, she created the entire house, so to speak!
Except, then, for the paintings, ha ha. That was his area. And he was the one who became very well known. Okay! Nowadays also she gets credit for her skills. (Womens lib….)
This is my kitchen! Yes! All of it is my kitchen!
It’s puny, and almost all white. So I added some extra starlight and sunshine to it. On the photos, that is. And I can do that over and over again if I want to!
I don’t get paid to do so, but my reward is nevertheless huge. I feel good
C.L. painted oils, watercolors, and frescoes. On canvas – and obviously on walls.
I “paint” photos with some or another editing program. Hardly ever print them. At least not so far.
I can’t even draw a straight line with my hands. Not to mention curves. But I can use my Macbook – and my soon to be – iMac!!!! YIEEAHOOOOOOOO
C.L. is well known
Well… I’m… not… but those whom I care for, knows me.
I surely do know
and I will do
this last year has been…
I’m still here, alive and breathing
and I thank the heavens
for the experience
image found – I don’t remember where – on the internet
Both myself and my surroundings!
Eyy!!! That was an exaggeration! I’ll still be around!
Just in a slightly different version.
Tomorrow, Friday, I turn to be – a retiree!
I leave some things behind me (yippiiieeee) and I’ll be freeee. (FAS3 och FK) yiipppiiieeee; ).
I’ll keep others – will f.ex. contuinue to make posters, folders and so on for the church;
and I intend to renew myself in different ways. Write more, and try to mingle with other people more.
Wouldn’t mind meeting new friends as well. Would LOVE to meet new friends as well!
And tomorrow there will be “Coffee-time for Ninna” at the ‘work-office’ at 10 AM.
Okay! I’ll live through that!
The day before yesterday the Pastor grinned at me. The biggest smile ever!
“I had in mind”, he said. “to drive home to you at 6 AM with my trumpet, and then stand outside playing ‘Happy Birthday’ for you…”
I gasped but there was no time for me to answer since he went on…
“… but I won’t, since you’re having farewell-coffe over there at 9.30.” He nodded his head a bit backwards.
‘Over there’ is that ‘work-place’ of mine which I seldom visit since I do my pieces of work at church. Sitting in the Cafeteria! I absolutely prefer to be in church. In the cafeteria. With my Mac. Doing my things. In peace and quiet. And with friends…
My chin dropped halfway down to my knees.
“Am I? Then you know more than I! S hinted something at the sermon this Sunday. He said, kind of incidentally, that they had talked about it at the last boardmeeting, and asked if I had been invited. No, I answered. Haven’t heard anything! But later on I didn’t know what to think about it. Was I forgotten or was I forgotten?”
I had thought about this earlier. Any other birthday I could have offered coffee and cake or something. But not this birthday! This birthday is too big, to important!
And the Central Person of this event – ME – wasn’t invited!!!
Before that afternoon had been much older, the Pastor sent mail to 5 of the board-commisioners who also are mentors for us involved. A very simple mail. Probably in a humorous tone. Something like: “You have invited Ninna as well, havn’t you?”
I cried that evening and couldn’t fall asleep. Felt so forgotten and left outside all alone!
The next day, yesterday, R called me. At first he sounded like he didn’t know what to say to me. Then he invited me for coffee and cake at 10 AM on friday. And asked me what I could eat since I don’t eat neither wheat nor dairies. No cookies intended!!
I suggested some ate-able things, and then – after all: we are friends, my best friend – now we could talk!
I told him my point of view, and he told about what had happened ‘over there’. That is – – – what had NOT happen! Of course it was a logistical problem (as usual ‘over there’), and I understood at once it had to do with P. When people are involved it’s always P. She can’t handle people! She don’t understand people! And she’s as false as a mushroom trying to be a snail, believing all it takes is the appearances – butter, garlic, salt and a hot oven.
Un escargot – you know…
So tomorrow I’m not having tea, but coffee at that place ‘over there’, and ‘everyone’ is coming (I figure), and it will be soooo fun!!!
Nope! I don’t think it will be fun at all, but I’ll cope!
And if we are 18-20 persons then, I really really like 5-6-10-11-12… something; really like 3-4, feel neutral with 2-3, feel a bit uneasy with 2… and so the last one… L’Escargot…
Okay! There is actually only P I hope I’ll never see again for the rest of my life. I know I shouldn’t feel och think that way, it isn’t nice! But I do! And during this last year, since she started working ‘over there’, I’m not the only one she’s made burst into tears, frustration or anger… and flee from that place in one way or another…
(so it’s not me…)
Curious question, huh? Especially if I ask myself that. At my age I should know who I am, shouldn’t I? Well, one has to grow! One has to expand! Learn new things and get more experiences. Be a rolling stone, not one that’s covered with old moss. And I have experienced a lot lately, and not all of them were fun experiences, I must say. On the contrary.
But even bad, sad or painful experiences are good. It teaches you things, it helps you grow! Hopefully getting wiser! Experiences that helps you find who you are, remember who you are, are good. Even if they are painful in some way or another. Even if you can’t see it when you’re in the middle of it. (I don’t).
And still, I have absolutely no idea what was good about that apartment I recently moved away from.
But life’s going on and new possibilities arise. And New Years day is a good time for a fresh start.
I refuse to make any promises (new-years eve-promises… never!), and I don’t want to set any high goals or unreasonable pressure on me. But there are some things I want to do, and I think now is a good time to put in some effort and start doing it!
I want to write properly again. With more purpose and effort. I want to write more as a blogger, and I want to write more for myself. Stories and such. Or essays. Articles. Whatever! The important thing is not as much WHAT I write, as THAT I write! To have glue between my butt and the chair (or sofa)
I also want to read more. It’s good to read! I’ve always loved to read! Ever since I was five. (Before that I got my dad to read, with me sitting in his lap listening.)
When using the word read here, I don’t mean as much fiction as facts. There are so many topics I’m interested in, which I would love to learn more about and hopefully also be able to discuss or at least reflect on in my own writings. Already I’m stuffing myself with various kinds of documentaries – and audiobooks – and I feel really drawn to finding intelligens and intellectuality in what I read, hear and watch. Like I’m starving, and badly need stimulans!
So this led to the idea of starting a new blog. One focused on writing et cetera instead of photos/ pictures. After all! I am a lousy photographer and I take less and less new photos now. I hardly even “play” with pictures any more! Only rarely!
Nothing odd about that! On the contrary! Fundamentally I am a writer – yes I am – not a photographer or “painter”! I paint with words! Always have! Always will! But when this burn-out struck me a couple of years ago, both my fantasy and my ability to concentrate disappeared almost entirely. After some time this picture-making side of me appeared and it helped me through this long period. At least I think it was that way. Somehow something inside me needed to express itself, to create something, and since the words were blocked… well… then the picture-making came along. I guess it helped me survive and come back to myself again!
Because now it seems that the picture-making-period is fading away, and the eagerness for playing around with words – to write! – have began to grow on me. And since I not only live in a new apartment, but also quit “working” from… like… yesterday – I from now on will have all the time I want and need to do exactly what pleases me – and when to do it. So it sure is time to start thinking of myself in terms of – “I’m a writer, yes I am!”
And just do it!
… to be continued…
you never know…
or maybe I’ve turned into an old bitchy lady
with henna in the hair purple flowered skirt
and a voice like a discordant… accordion
you never know…
but I don’t think so…
or will I be doing great things
this little aging lady with hair growing white
a neat little dress and stiff upperlips
steady hands and a flair for… esprit de finesse
you never know…
but I don’t think so either…
I haven’t the slightest clue
what will happen while I grow older
I just go with the flow
with the meaning of life
and I live my life in this very instant…
for ever and ever
that I know
* * *
It just can’t be. Not here. Not even here in the south of Sweden by the west coast!
Sun. Blue sky. Almost no wind. Amazing! +8 degrees Celsius – and at least twice that in the sun.
The air was smooth and caressing against my face. It was like being in heaven!
I just had to go for a short walk at lunchtime. This spring feeling won’t last long. Tomorrow, it’s said from the weather forecast, but then it will be cloudy again and not so warm.
Turning around the corner and there it was. The moment of infinite beauty
One just have to cherish the moments of happiness.
At first, when I saw this weeks photo challenge, I thought I’ve never made any achievements. I don’t have any fancy well-paid work, hence I’m pretty poor. I’ve never run a marathon, can’t play anything which involves a ball, don’t like big parties, shopping clothes or shoes…
Can’t even sit properly on a chair or in a sofa…
I’ve failed a lot during life. Also in love it seems, since I live alone. I am dull, too quiet or too talkative. I’m boring – a goofy nerd, I guess…
et cetera et cetera.
But… okay… I’m quite harmless and friendly (at least I think so) and to my own surprise there seems to be persons who actually like me! ????
But achieved anything?
I couldn’t think of – – – nada…..
But… now wait! I might be a bit too hard on myself here. And God keeps telling me through various channels that I must stop deminishing myself.
So stop diminishing yourself, Ninna!
I came to think of my skills in writing… in handling my language, Swedish – grammar, literary composition, “feeling”, to say a lot with few words…
I love doing that.
I also came to think of my pictures… yeah….
I love doing that too…
So wha’de’heck! Who cares if I’m not rich and famous and have done it all! I’m me!!!! With the personal qualities I have! And I pretty much like myself. (nowadays…)
And that´s an achievement!
Today at work I made this image to an ad-poster for a violoncello-quartet concert.
(Without the water-mark! Naturellement!)
Well I made the poster too, of course, and I’m very proud of that.
I also made the poster for the up-coming sundays sermon.
I’m proud of that too.
catch the last warm hours, before the winter comes,
cherish in your memory, and taste them more than once
the sweetness of the autumn flowers, the softness of the sun
close your eyes, remember, and they will come again
… and I’m lazy and too warm.
The weather is sultry, hot and humid. Strong winds are trying to bend the trees, rattling among the branches.
Next week, and the week after that, I’ll have my summer-break. Two weeks of freedom to do whatever I want to do.
I seem to mentally have begun my time off already.
Don’t want to be here now… Don’t want to do what I have to do now… Want my freedom! Now!
… than ten birds hiding in the woods…
While (still) tagging my photos in iPhoto, I noticed there was an extra “look-at-me” on one of my dark cloud photos I took last thursday. I didn’t recognize it at the time, just saw the very dark clouds coming in over the city. But! An accidental birdie had flown over the street as well. To find a hiding place? Hope it did.
Once in a while this river is quiet, almost totally still. Just mirroring the surroundings.
Almost like if it is listening, waiting, contemplating.
Going with the flow.
I wish I were like a river.
Going with the flow
I won’t look back! I will look forward!
I will look forward to a year filled with good health,
with Love and the fulfillment of things I love to do.
To the achievements I was born to, and meant to do.
Learning more and more how to be the one I really am in my heart and my soul.
This is what I want and wish.
This is what I pray for.