You can never go back. Ever!
I recently found myself longing to go back home.
I don’t mean the home of my childhood. To mum and dad. They are long since dead and gone. More than half my life now, I’ve been without my parents. Dad died in 1981, and mum in 1983. And even if they were alive, I would never go back to live with them. Have never wanted that.
I don’t mean the home where I lived with my daughters when they were small, and their dad. I absolutely not not not want that time back.
I don’t even mean I want to go back to a time when I was young, or at least younger.
Maybe in one way, but in another – no.
Very prosaically I sometimes just want to move back to the town where I lived before.
I don’t expect things to be the same. I know nothing can remain the same. Also cities changes over ten years of time!
Two of my three daughters live there, and it would be really nice to be able to see them more often, and in an easier way. YES! And my grandchildren. YES YES! But that’s not it. A part, but not only.
It’s the city itself and it’s surroundings. I want back to the roads I used to bike, the woods I used to stroll in, the parks, the beaches, the streets, the shops, the cafés, the museums, the libraries – the possibilities!
It’s a bigger city than this one. I’d find much more that lingers on to my interests, and of me – so to speak – in that city. Here – I find next to nothing. This is a summer city, with tourists and restaurants. Not small per se – but limited…
And it’s not me.
I might be a bit unfair here. But it’s true I never have rooted here. Never been able to feel at home. Nowadays, I have a place where I can be, yes, and I have some friends! Yes! But I miss so many things that I can’t find here, but which I had there. Me.
Why I moved? Well, life does those things sometimes! Move us around. And sure I do have experienced good things during these last 10 years too! For one thing, and maybe the best, I really discovered my talent to write! And I developed that talent for more than 6 years here, with courses, evening classes, joining writers groups and such. AND I WAS WRITING! EVERY DAY! SEVERAL NOVELS! LOTS OF SHORT STORIES! POEMS! ESSAYS! THE LOT!
I have also found out here, that I have skills making images, posters et cetera. And that’s good! Really good! I’m soooooo grateful for all of this!
But that’s a different story. A story for another day.
The city? Helsingborg.
You know… I lived there for 36 years! And I CAN go back. Now I can! After the retirement. Both physically and geographically! It’ll just take som effort to do so, and it might take some more time to get an apartment that will suit me.
But! Not now. Not literally now! It’s too soon after my move to this apartment, and I just haven’t got that kind of energy! But maybe some time in the future. Some time when I’m ready for it. Some time – when the time is due.
And I’m sorry I haven’t got more pictures, and better pictures, from Helsingborg to show you. But I’ll try to find some more later.