Four days

Four days I’ve been almost totally alone.
Not all by my own choice, it just is that way when it’s holidays and with no relatives close by.

It’s odd that it should feel so much worse to be alone on Christmas than on any other days, but it is. I mean, if you didn’t know it was Christmas, would you have felt lonely then? Well, yes, maybe, but not because it was Christmas and everybody else is enjoying themselves with family and friends. And not for four days in a row.

Am I to blame myself for that? Partly, that’s for sure. But not entirely. People who have families and friends nearby don’t think of those of us who are alone. Maybe they’ll send a Merry Christmas-wish through Facebook, but that’s all. And I’m not a Facebook-fan. And would that be enough?

Yes! I sound negative and maybe even a bit depressed now, but I’ve felt very lonely these days, and I’m really glad there are a couple of normal days now, so I can meet my friends and have some nice hours. Not only indulging myself to Netflix. (But I’m really happy I have Netflix.)

Why is it that Christmas – which is about sharing, being together, love, joy – also contains a lot of exclusion? Where are those places where people just can go to? I know of NONE here where I live! Okay! You can visit a church. That’s good per se, and often you can find kindness and togetherness there. But if you don’t want to go to a church, for some reason?

There are hopefully other possibilities as well, at least in other places-cities-countries than here, but what do you do if you have some kind of decease or disabilities? If your body is filled with pain? If you can’t walk probably? If you don’t have a car and somehow can’t travel by bus och metro? What if?

Okay! Stop being negative! Pain or not, family or not – today I can meet friends for at least a couple of hours, and in 5,5 weeks I’ll move back to my hometown where my children and their families lives and hopefully I’ll never again be this alone for an entire Christmas holiday.

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