Who am I? part one

Curious question, huh? Especially if I ask myself that. At my age I should know who I am, shouldn’t I? Well, one has to grow! One has to expand! Learn new things and get more experiences. Be a rolling stone, not one that’s covered with old moss. And I have experienced a lot lately, and not all of them were fun experiences, I must say. On the contrary.

But even bad, sad or painful experiences are good. It teaches you things, it helps you grow! Hopefully getting wiser! Experiences that helps you find who you are, remember who you are, are good. Even if they are painful in some way or another. Even if you can’t see it when you’re in the middle of it. (I don’t).

And still, I have absolutely no idea what was good about that apartment I recently moved away from.

But life’s going on and new possibilities arise. And New Years day is a good time for a fresh start.

I refuse to make any promises (new-years eve-promises… never!), and I don’t want to set any high goals or unreasonable pressure on me. But there are some things I want to do, and I think now is a good time to put in some effort and start doing it!

I want to write properly again. With more purpose and effort. I want to write more as a blogger, and I want to write more for myself. Stories and such. Or essays. Articles. Whatever! The important thing is not as much WHAT I write, as THAT I write! To have glue between my butt and the chair (or sofa)
I also want to read more. It’s good to read! I’ve always loved to read! Ever since I was five. (Before that I got my dad to read, with me sitting in his lap listening.)

When using the word read here, I don’t mean as much fiction as facts. There are so many topics I’m interested in, which I would love to learn more about and hopefully also be able to discuss or at least reflect on in my own writings. Already I’m stuffing myself with various kinds of documentaries – and audiobooks – and I feel really drawn to finding intelligens and intellectuality in what I read, hear and watch. Like I’m starving, and badly need stimulans!

So this led to the idea of starting a new blog. One focused on writing et cetera instead of photos/ pictures. After all! I am a lousy photographer and I take less and less new photos now. I hardly even “play” with pictures any more! Only rarely!

Nothing odd about that! On the contrary! Fundamentally I am a writer – yes I am – not a photographer or “painter”! I paint with words! Always have! Always will! But when this burn-out struck me a couple of years ago, both my fantasy and my ability to concentrate disappeared almost entirely. After some time this picture-making side of me appeared and it helped me through this long period. At least I think it was that way. Somehow something inside me needed to express itself, to create something, and since the words were blocked… well… then the picture-making came along. I guess it helped me survive and come back to myself again!

Because now it seems that the picture-making-period is fading away, and the eagerness for playing around with words – to write! – have began to grow on me. And since I not only live in a new apartment, but also quit “working” from… like… yesterday – I from now on will have all the time I want and need to do exactly what pleases me – and when to do it. So it sure is time to start thinking of myself in terms of – “I’m a writer, yes I am!”

And just do it!

… to be continued…